Clapham Common, the heady plop of Barnes Wallis bounce mahogany popping from fleshy lime contact mines. One half expects the nee-nor nee-nor of Health & Safety hard-hatted cotton-woolled Suits, chainsaws to hand. DON’T FEED THE TREES. FELL THE TREES.
With the steady decline of the Horse Chestnut tree due to a virulent bacterium infestation caused by the horse chestnut leaf-miner moth, and the banning in schools of traditional pastimes [due to bonkers H&S interpretation], one wonders how long the World Conker Championships can survive?
Perhaps we need an official start date for the conker collecting season? Let’s call it Oblionker Day. And after school conker clubs every Sept/Oct.